When Your ADHD Creates a Domino Effect for Your Whole Family

May 8
2 min read

A closeup of a phone screen showing several alarms. The first alarm is labeled "Morning bus". — Photo by Sarah-Beth Bianchi.

Sometimes, I’m the problem. When an ADHDer is raising another ADHDer there are lots of benefits. We’re learning alongside one another, and have a lot of shared understanding about how our brains work and how we experience the world.

But when I offer to take over the bus drop-off so my husband can get to an early meeting… and then I lose track of time so we nearly miss the bus… that’s a problem.

How did this go wrong:

I didn’t have an alarm set to remind me when to get ready.
I didn’t give my kid time to transition into get-out-the-door mode, so there was a lot more nagging and rushing, which is never a good way to start the day.
What could have been a nice bike ride turned into my kid chasing me down the trail.
In my head I was replanning my day because if we missed the bus I’d have to reschedule my first client of the day, and then the rest of my schedule would be thrown out of whack. Ugh.

The bus arrived just as we pulled up to the stop, we were able to high five for making it on time, and hug goodbye. And I made it to my client session with time to spare.

So it was fine. But it can be better.

I’m reflecting on little things to do next time

I set up an alarm for when we have to start getting ready so we have time to transition and buffer to avoid the rush and nag.
I also created a note on my phone so that I can copy and paste a message to a client in case the worst case happens, and I have to arrive late or reschedule. (I’ve only had to do this once before, but having a note that I never have to use still feels right.)

Situations like this are why I offer coaching for parents and caregivers in neurodivergent families. Because when your kids rely on your executive function, you need strategies so your ADHD doesn’t create a domino effect for you and your family. Family coaching means having space to think through what happened, let go of the frustration and shame, and build tools to rely on next time.

And giving yourself time to reflect can help you realize that even if your ADHD is a problem, it’s not the end of the world.