Daring to say no: Avoiding the trap of deferring to the new year

Have you stopped to consider whether you really should "pick this up in the new year"? Photo by Florian Schmetz on Unsplash.

We're in the wind-down of another year. That beautiful time when you get to say "Let's pick this up in the new year".

But what if you don't pick it up? Or what if, when you revisit it in 2025, you go in with the mindset that it's ok to say no to continuing?

Did your heart flutter a bit? Were you shocked by the idea of not continuing the thing, or not starting the new thing? Or perhaps you felt an immense sense of relief at the idea of letting a few things drop off?

Put yourself in the shoes of next year's you. Is that person going to start the new year with a reasonable set of projects and tasks, ready to start off strong? Or are they going to be cursing you for piling up the obligations and decisions, taxing their post-holiday brain.

I've been guilty of this habit at two different times of year - the new year resolution period in January, and the post-summer liftoff in September. In hindsight, I realize that I would allow myself to lean into the end of year and summertime slowdowns, but only if I made a point of queuing up new projects for the periods that followed. The result was to undo all the rest I'd taken, and dive headlong into bursts of frantic activity.

So what's behind the hesitance to use this transition period let some things go?

Sunk cost fallacy

Have you invested weeks, months, (or, ugh, years) into something? A project, a process, or even a recurring meeting can be difficult to let go of, especially if you feel like you haven't quite accomplished the goal.

Have you checked in about the goals for this ongoing thing? Do you have a clear vision? Are there other options to get there?

Your darlings

Are you the champion of a project that would fall apart if you weren't leading it? Do you have to keep pulling people back in, selling them on the value of the thing? Agreeing to let your darlings go can feel like you're admitting defeat.

Have you paused to check whether the energy to keep pulling people in is outweighing the benefit of what you're trying to achieve? Have you taken a step back to find a different approach?

Scratching backs

Are you supporting the project of a colleague in the hopes that they'll return the favor? Or that you'll gain some experience in an area that you don't normally get exposure to? Working on a project - especially if it's a favor or a side-of-the-desk contribution - can be draining if your expectations aren't quite being realized.

Have you had a frank conversation with this colleague to confirm if what you're hoping for is possible, and is even on their radar to make happen?

Being the go-getter

If someone pitches a new project or shares a problem that needs solving, are you the first person to put up your hand to take it on? Are you known for being part of many different streams of work? While it can feel good to rise to the occasion, you can end up with too many parallel tasks and little room to focus.

Have you stopped to consider why you tend to be the one standing up to say yes? Are getting what you need from being the go-getter in these situations?

Gathering information to say yes or no

If any of those scenarios sound familiar, you don't immediately have to say no. Maybe it is worth it to support that colleague, even if the payoff isn't direct. Not everything has to be quid pro quo. Or maybe that darling project really is worth the energy, and you're seeing a breakthrough on the horizon.

The point of asking these questions is to gain awareness of how you are investing your time and energy and whether that investment is working for you. It gives you a chance make an intentional yes or no decision, rather than continuing just because you've already started.

When you say yes, what else are you saying no to?

Have you heard this phrase before? This platitude has layers. When you agree to continue a project or pick up a new task in the new year, what are you saying no to?

You could be saying an explicit no - agreeing to pick up one thing, but then saying no to something else. It can be easier to make this tradeoff if you spend the time reflecting on what information you need to decide between yes and no.

More insidiously, the no could be a consequence instead of a choice. A yes to one thing can mean saying no to something more impactful later on. A yes to everything that comes your way can mean a no to flexibility in your days or weeks because you have to plan every block of time to get everything done. Very often, too many yeses can mean a no to rest.

Resolve to reflect

My challenge to you is to take some time to reflect. Spend some time looking at your meeting schedule and your project list.

Ask yourself what you get from the yes and what could come from a no. Identify a few actions to help you let go of a no or reinvest in a yes.

You can also take things more gradually by adopting a reflective mode heading into the new year. This can be as simple as pausing for a few moments as you head into each meeting or task and asking what you get from continuing to say yes to this thing, and what could come from a no.

This reflective mindset can help you shift how you participate, and prevent you from saying yes to taking on even more work on a project that falls into your no list. It can also help you find motivation to fully invest if your answer is a clear yes.

You can also lead by example. The first time you "pick it back up in the new year" invite your colleagues to reflect on what you are all are saying yes to by continuing this meeting or project, and what you are saying no to. Give yourselves permission to adjust course or wind down what's not working, and clear the way for other work that is a yes for you.

Invest some time in reflection for you

If you want to do some of your reflection in a supportive environment, consider joining me for New Year, More You - mini group coaching. A small group of folks will get together over three noon hours in January - either in-person or online - with a shared goal to decide how to show up for yourself in 2025. We'll spend our time together reflecting, planning, and supporting one another to set goals and boundaries that work for each of us. If this sounds like a yes for you, sign up using the links below.

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New Year, More You - mini group coaching (online) takes place weekly on Thursdays from noon to 1pm, starting January 9th, 2025. We're connecting on Google Meet.

New Year, More You - mini group coaching (in-person) takes place weekly on Fridays from noon to 1pm, starting January 10th, 2025. We're gathering at Builder's Club in downtown Kitchener.